Blogger Blitz Round 1: Blogger Blitzception

Ganondorf

Hey everyone!  By some unexpected chance, and though I hadn’t planned on participating this year, I am yet again a competitor in the coolest competition around!  For those of you who missed it the first time check out Ian, at Adventure Rules, blog.  He not only lists the round challenges and the overall rules, but that’s also where we will find the results!  Yay!  If you want to skip that article (BOO!  Shame on you!) then here’s a little explanation of the rules:

  • Each round of the competition has a 1000 word limit for round 1. There are no limitations on writing style.  Remember to pack your 1000 words with content that helps to prove why your character is the best at the event!
  • Within your own post, you define the circumstances and how difficult it is for your character to overcome the event. So be sure to craft circumstances which portray your character as overcoming odds that only they could possibly surmount. If the challenge is too easy, it takes some of the impact away from your argument. Judges like to see clever solutions!
  • Get ahead of the game and cover your weak points so that when the judges have to consider the negatives of each approach, you’ve already anticipated it and come up with a solution!

Who is my competition, you ask?  Flame Flash who will be sponsoring Sigma, the antagonist from the Mega Man series.  And who had loads more time than me to prepare.  And who is an incredible writer.  Guys… it may be my first and last round in the Blogger Blitz challenge this year…

And what is the challenge?  Oh you know, only something so complex I had to read it 4 times before I even understood what they were asking for…

In a competition where bloggers submit blog posts about their favorite characters for a panel of judges to determine which is the best, they’ll be challenged to write a blog post about their favorite character writing a blog post. Then the post within the post will be judged by the judges to determine which blogger wins, which by extension will determine which blogger wins. What? As if that’s not complicated enough, each villain has been sent a nefarious “helper” by their rivals – a three-headed monkey! The monkey does all the typing for them, so how can each villain use their abilities to influence the monkey to write rightly? It’s the blogger blitz within the Blogger Blitz – it’s Blogger Blitzception!

So without further ado, my blog within a blog (and my word count) starts below this line.


Oh the aklnm;slkdf ;jp[aje

ganondorf triumphant

NO! Stop it, monkey.  I am Ganon, the holder of the Goddess Din’s Triforce of Power, reincarnation of the Demon Demise himself.  You WILL obey me.  Now…. Write this:

Oh the struggle, the turmoil.  Why is ittt ttttthatttt pppsppdpdmmvvlcxle

ganondorf frustrated

NO!  This post, monkey, will be the inspiration of generations to come!  I am the master of all dark powers and, King of the Gerudo, and the rightful King of Hyrule.  All who wish to bow down before me must understand me.  This wisdom will be sought through the end of time.  And through it I will choose lesser minions to serve beneath my hand, for when I am King I will be King forever! Mwahahahaha.

Oh the struggle, the turmoil.  Why is it that people continnu to opose mme?  I, wwwwhoooo ams;lk the rigj ;lkdtful ruulelsller

Ganondorf

*sigh*.  I suppose this will take more effort than I originally thought.  Who knew a three-headed monkey, that cursed gift from that idiot sympathizer from Faron, would be this troublesome?  How could he be manipulated to obey?  It’s quite simple.  That’s all I ask.  Complete and blind obedience to my every need.  As the conqueror of Hyrule it should be given to me.  Hmmmm….

A banana.  Is that what you want, you good, kind, helpful monkey?  I’ll give you a banana every time you type a correct sentence.  Deal? Then let’s get moving…

Oh the struggle, the turmoil.  Why is it that people continue to oppose me?  I, who am the rightful ruler of all Hyrule?  I, who am the rightful ruler of all Hyrule?  I, who am the rightful ruler of all Hyrule?  I, Demise himself, who asks nothing but subservience and utter domination?  I, Demise himself, who asks nothing but subservience and utter domination?  I, Demise himself, who asks nothing but subservience and utter domination?

angry ganondorf

STOP!  That is NOT what I wanted.  That is NOT what I meant.  You are willfully disobeying me!

*Leaves to play the organ for several minutes*

*deep breaths* Now that my calm has been restored I have an idea, an improvement, if you will.  Utilizing the dark magic at which I am so adept I’ll simply bend your minds to my will.  Force you to become the mindless minion you are to simply do as I ask.  Oh, don’t worry, monkey, you won’t notice a thing.

O the struggle the turmoil y is it that people continue 2 oppose me I who am the rightful ruler of all hyrule I demise himself who asks nothing but subservience and utter domination its… that… night…  the… socalled… hero… of… hyrule… its… his… fault… my… slaves… continue… 2… rise…….. up……….

NOOOOO!  Mindless!  Stupid. Idiot. Monkey!

ganondorf sword

*In a fit of rage he raises his sword and chops off two of the monkey’s heads.  Cauterizes wounds with dark magic.  Lifts spell from third head.*

There.  No more mistakes, no more fooling around.  You, monkey, WILL do my bidding or the same fate awaits your final head.  NOW, TYPE!

Oh the struggle, the turmoil.  Why is it that people continue to oppose me?  I, who am the rightful ruler of all Hyrule?  I, Demise himself, who asks nothing but subservience and utter domination? 

It’s that knight.  The so-called “Hero of Hyrule”.  It’s his fault my slaves continue to rise up.  It’s HIS fault my plans fail.  I am thwarted at every turn because of this… man-child.  This Link.  I am the great, powerful Ganon!  How can a simple, small boy continue to overthrow my best-laid plans?  First it was my attempt to rise as myself with the help of my faithful demon Ghirahim.  And my reincarnation, this powerful, debonair Ganondorf, with so much promise, continually thrown down.  Is it him, this Link?  Or is it simply my incompetent belief in those I manipulate?  Agahnim, Yuga, Zant, all failures.  Perhaps that is my true downfall.  Perhaps my manipulations of these minions was never strong enough, my… faith… was misplaced.  This newest attempt may need a different strategy.  Something to counter the nuisance of the “Goddess’s chosen hero”.  Something to finally squash him like the insect he is so that I, Ganondorf, the most powerful being ever, can reign victorious at last!

You, the mindless rabble who WILL obey me, cannot know the strain of such a brat, always snapping at my heels.  You think this is easy, laying plans, always subverting Hyrule to my whim.  But the thought of that boy eats away at my peace.  He fills me with pure Malice, and slowly gnaws away my incredible intellect to the point that I struggle to foresee mistakes.  Oh the agony of my minion’s mistakes that have allowed that… boy… to defeat me!  It should never have happened.  It will not happen again.  I, Ganondorf, am more than capable of crushing him without any effort.  Perhaps it will take all my cunning, without the use of a mindless puppet, to overcome the Triforce of Courage.  And perhaps this blog will be my greatest form of brainstorming.  The place where all my best-laid plans will finally be perfected and find fruition in the defeat of that whelp.  Perhaps this next time I’ll use a new set of minions… One made entirely of metal…

13 thoughts on “Blogger Blitz Round 1: Blogger Blitzception

  1. I’m late to the party but I’m here lol. I’m dyinggg lol. I love how the monkeys are typing in triplet form. It makes sense as there are 3 heads and each want to get a banana for its prize lol. *Leaves to play the organ for several minutes* Must be his coping mechanism lol. That’s one way to control them, OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! Gruesome but effective. I also loved how Ganon is arrogant and tooting his own horn thoroughout the post. This is another villain I knew nothing about, but after reading your post, I get a sense of his personality. Great post!

    -Luna 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on Adventure Rules and commented:
    What happens when the King of Evil must write a blog post by manipulating a three-headed monkey to do his bidding? That’s what Teri Mae seeks to answer in this week’s Blogger Blitz match! Go check out her submission and be sure to come back tomorrow, Friday August 17th, at 9 AM EST to see the final results!

    Like

  3. Y’know, brutal intimidation probably is the Occam’s Razor approach to persuading a monkey to do stuff for ya! Very Ganondorf – and the post itself is about as Ganondorfy as a post could be!

    ***

    Xehanort, seated on his throne in the Castle of Nothingness, finishes reading Teri Mae’s post on his iPad That Never Was, and sets it down on the arm of his chair.

    ‘Hmmmmmm,’ he murmurs, in dulcet Nimoy tones. ‘She may not have had a coconut cake recipe, but Teri Mae is almost as sharp as that Tonberry’s blade. And the monkey is a better writer than that Chris who sought to chronicle my own achievements.’

    He leans back, fingers habitually curling in the air. ‘Let it be remembered that Ganondorf, as brutish as he is, has a solution for multi-headed fiends.’

    The great dog Cerberus, somewhere in the Underworld beneath Olympus Coliseum, gives a disappointed yap for reasons it can’t quite explain.

    Like

  4. Sigma’s eyes widen as he follows the camera feed he’d left on the monkey’s crate.

    Grabbing Vile by the robot’s armored collar he yells, “Nobody said we could dismember the blasted thing!”

    He paces a moment, clearly imagining the machinations he could have performed with a hybridized robot beast.

    Watching a stammering Vile flee from the room he looked back at the feed, “This Ganondorf is a most impressive adversary. It is a shame we were not able to cross blades directly. I shall have to watch this realm that this… ‘blog’ was hosted on further.”

    Ultimately, he nods in approval and continues talking to himself, you know, as villians do, “Well done.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would have loved to see a robot monkey! I felt like ganondorf legitimately wouldn’t be able to think of a different solution. His rage would definitely get in the way!

      Like

  5. Yep, that seems like the Ganondorf way to solve this problem, haha! Perhaps the most brutality we’ve seen yet in the Blitz, but that’s to be expected in the Black Sheep edition. It’s good to have you back and I look forward to seeing the judge’s thoughts on this round!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah… I hoped it wouldn’t be too graphic. But really, with his temper, there’s no way that monkey was staying in one piece! I’m excited to see what the competition brings and what the judges think come Friday!

      Liked by 2 people

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