blogger blitz – Sheikah Plate

Blogger Blitz Finale: One Thousand Strong

September 24, 2018by Teri Mae9 Comments

Okay, folks. This is it – the Blogger Blitz Finale. And after some intense writing, researching, and last-minute editing, I actually have a story I’m really proud of. Is that weird to say? I’m not sure I’ve ever truly been proud of something I’ve written, but this time I really am! I can’t believe that this challenge is almost over. I’ve learned so much through this. Ian, as always, blows me away with his creativity and his ability to push boundaries, and, with the help of the other guest bloggers, of course, really brought out my creativity. These last challenges have been harder than I thought I was capable of accomplishing and yet, I’ve been able to do it. So thanks to Ian and his magnificent competition for helping me stretch myself a little bit and open up to a world I wasn’t sure I was capable of being a part of!

And, with that emotional introspection, let’s get on with the show! As always, I want to acknowledge my challenger, Michael over at Git Gud at Life. His submission to this post can be found here. And if you haven’t read his past submissions, go do it. They’ll blow you away with their unique writing!

And then a HUGE thank you to Ian at Adventure Rules, where the results of this competition can be found on Friday!

Here is the prompt for the final:

Anyone can take on a single enemy. Taking on a dozen or so enemies isn’t really that tough either. But fighting an army of 1000 monsters born of the darkness left behind when a human body is deprived of its heart – now THAT’s scary! But that’s exactly what our lovely antagonists will have to do in this event if they plan to make it somewhere very important – the venue for their best friend’s wedding.

Villains keep strange company, so really it’s only natural that they would hang out with someone who thought a monster-infested canyon would be a cool place to tie the knot. As the best friend, your chosen bad guy (or gal, or gender-non-binary person) is obviously expected to be in the wedding. But to get to the front of the crowd, you’ll have to fight your way through one thousand Heartless, beings that feed on the darkness inside of hearts – and there’s a whole lot of dark hearts at this wedding!

Luckily, you’re not alone. One of the most iconic parts of the Battle of the 1000 Heartless in Kingdom Hearts II is the series of cameos from previous allies who show up to kick some tail and help you make your way through the Heartless army. In the Blogger Blitz championship, these partners are the characters you’ve defeated in battle! You can include in your post cameos from the two opponents you defeated directly, as well as the character your semifinal opponent defeated, giving you a total of three characters to partner with when taking on the Heartless menace.

And, without further ado, let’s get on with the show…

Ugh. If he weren’t my most faithful servant, the actualization of my precious sword, I wouldn’t bother with this stupid wedding. I need to focus on the death of the boy called Link. Even now, years after my last setback, I feel my hatred and malice for him growing, becoming more refined. That boy, who has overthrown my plans again and again! HOW?! He, the holder of the most worthless piece of the Triforce? Power and Wisdom, and then “Courage”. That simple brat continues to best me with courage…

I need a new strategy. I need to focus, not gallivant off into the sunset to watch Ghirahim marry himself. The invitation was ridiculous.

Please, my Master, attend this precious moment, where pure beauty and finesse shall marry the only possible match – itself. I, Ghirahim, request the presence of Ganon, the reincarnation of Demise, at this joyful union of me to myself, at the Breach of Demise Canyon at sunset.

How could anyone possibly take seriously the sharing of power in some kind of “union”.

Sigh

And yet… he is my most faithful of servants, the very blade I wield in the fight against the goddess. I must attend. His deference for me, even the place he has chosen, in homage to me. I suppose I can give him a few moments of my time. Especially if it means he will be better focused in the future.

I stand, stretching to relieve the cramping in my muscles that remain from a night of plotting.

It feels like a few weeks only have passed since I reveled in the Forbidden Fortress, enjoying an evening of my triumph. And yet, years have passed. Enough time to have been defeated again and again by that brat. No… never defeated. Merely slowed down. He is simply putting off the inevitable.

I quickly dress in my best robes and, as I pass the dresser, hesitate slightly, my eyes passing over the cards of all the previous villains I’ve recently been in contact with. I quickly pocket all three, knowing that, if any problems arose, I could easily call on those pathetic weaklings to take the brunt of the issues.

After all, there’s no one better at manipulation than Ganondorf, wielder of the Triforce of Power.

I release a shrieking call and a gargantuan black stallion comes whipping up the trail to my hiding place. I mount, and with another shriek, send the stallion along the way to the canyon known as the Breach of Demise.

Mere hours later I slow to a trot, suddenly wary of the unnatural darkness settling in. The canyon is within sight, but, with an hour left till sunset, the shadows playing across the land are unsettling. I know that my own creatures, the Bokoblins, Moblins, even Lynels, wouldn’t dare harm their King. So what is making that soft scratching noise where the shadows are deepest?

I dismount, creeping closer to the nearest rocky shadow, and am surprised. A creature unlike any I’ve ever seen crouches, half-hidden in shadow. His yellow eyes shine bright and the antennae which are just visible wave slightly as it shudders.

Is this some new being I can harness to my will? Something that will give me an edge in the fight against Link?

The creature shifts its weight, making a soft padding sound. I stiffen and quickly glance around as I hear that same noise echoed countless times. Peering into the darkness settling around me I see hundreds… no, at least one thousand of these creatures, their strange yellow eyes glinting in the shadows they’re hiding in. I throw my hands to my side, calling my purple ball lightening and ready to attack when I pause.

Yes, I could defeat this swam myself. I am Ganondorf, the most powerful being to ever live. But when have I ever been the first to take the brunt of an attack?

I slowly back into the light, hand slipping into a small pocket, and bring out the cards I so brilliantly brought along. Each card bears a single name: Sigma, Marjolaine, and Xehanort. Selecting the first of the cards I use my considerable skill to summon the first of my opponents to my side.

Let’s see how these creatures of darkness handle a man of metal and code.

As an arc of purple lightning flashes across the sky Sigma, the enemy of Mega Man, appears at my side.

“Ah, Sigma. Delighted you could join me” I say, a slight smirk on my lips

“Ganondorf.” Sigma says dispassionately, “Why have you brought me here?”

“You see, Sigma, knowing how… desperately you enjoy researching new, insidious ways to bring down your robot friends I thought I’d invite you to share with me the discovery of a new species. And look,” I gesture around the landscape, “there’s plenty for the both of us.”

I fold my arms and watch as Sigma stares me down, wary of any help.

“What could possibly be in this for me?”

“Oh, Sigma, I thought you were more intelligent than that” I see his eyes narrow at the insult. “You see, I don’t know these creatures. They are completely new to this land. And you, Sigma, you can interface… compute… even understand animals. If you do this for me I’ll ensure that, when you share your knowledge, I send you back home with a few of these monsters. You can utilize them in your next fight against your nemesis. If they’re new to him, won’t they be more difficult to defeat?”

I see Sigma processing this information. After a moment he nods once and begins to tread softly toward the darkness. I continue to watch, but as I do so I notice something slightly disconcerting. As the shadows lengthen the creatures move from their hiding places, keeping to the darkness, moving slowly toward Sigma and myself.

I see Sigma pause, just slightly out of reach of the nearest creature, then see his hands whip out, attaching long metal cords to the creature.

“They are searching for… hearts. They consume hearts, breeding from the darkness found within them. I cannot see where they originate from. Some land full of anthropomorphic animals dressed in ridiculous clothes. But I… I cannot… I…”

Sigma’s voice slowly fades away and he begins convulsing slightly.

“Sigma?” I shout. “Sigma, what’s going on?”

There’s no response. He slowly turns to looks at me, eyes changing to a luminescent yellow.

“I have no heart” he dispassionately intones. “But I do have a body. Easier… to… possess”

I quickly summon a ball of lightning as Sigma throws himself at me and blast him to the ground. He shakes and sputters, the electricity frying his circuits.

Useless…

With a simple incantation and another flash of purple lightning I send him home. Quickly removing the next card, noticing that the shadows are deepening, I summon Marjolaine.

“Yes?” her sultry tones echo slightly as she materializes.

“Marjolaine, I bested you in the last competition. You know what I’m capable of. Together we can destroy these monsters, keeping just one or two for ourselves. Apparently they consume hearts. I’m sure you’ve got plenty of hearts in your world just itching to be destroyed for the… well, the fun of it.”

“I do enjoy games” she croons, finally turning to face the swarm of monsters straining to reach us.

I hear her gasp.

“So many…”

“I would have thought someone like you would be itching for a fair fight?”

“I can only destroy so many with a bow” she spits at me. She pauses. “There may be a way. I can stun them. Every one of the enemies within the sound of my voice, for a short period of time.”

“So what are you waiting for?”

She glares at me, venom in her eyes. Then she opens her mouth and begins to sing. The song is haunting and as the shadows finally reach where we stand the creatures, running at us, are frozen. I laugh. It’s so much easier to defeat an enemy when someone else does all the difficult work. I begin blasting the creatures with my ball lightning, turning and spinning to reach all I can see. After several seconds I pause, looking back, waiting for the woman to spring into action and join me. But she merely continues to stand, singing her song.

Wait… In performing her best ability against a swarm of monsters she’s… completely useless herself? What a worthless companion. Do I have to do everything myself?

I let out an angry roar, lightning arcing from my fingers, stretching out and destroying the remaining creatures within my vision, their bodies vanishing into puffs of smoke. I hear the padding of hundreds of feet as more creatures attempt to take their places.

Turning swiftly to Majorlaine I snap my fingers. Her voice cuts off and she vanishes back into the useless world I stole her from. Chest heaving with frustrated breaths I pull out the last card. With an angry bellow and one last arc of lightning I summon the man to my side.

He appears, looks calmly around him, and his face cracks into an evil grin.

What?

“I see my plan worked… This world, so full of people with so many hearts and so much light, was just itching for a cleansing. A balance, if you will…”

My eyes narrow as the realization hits me. This man planned this attack. He wanted me to invite him here… to MY realm?!

“Do you truly think you can take over my kingdom? Steal from me what I’ve earned, what I deserve!? DO YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE A FOOL OUT OF ME?” I shout, my rage building inside.

“Of course. Sending one thousand of my Heartless to your kingdom, on the eve of your pathetic puppet’s wedding? Why, this worked out better than I could have imagined. You fell for my plan. Like the simpleton I always thought you were.”

I scream in rage, malice building inside me as he lets out a cold, mirthless laugh and his minions begin to surround me. As I glance around me, preparing for battle, I notice that several have stopped stalking me and have, instead, merely sat upon the ground. Odd…

“I am Ganondorf, the most powerful, the most evil of all beings. I, the reincarnation of Demise the Demon himself, can NOT be overruled by a worthless, pathetic master of a simple sword. I cannot be defeated!”

As my echoes die out the creatures, Heartless, Xehanort called them, all stop and slowly turn away from me and toward their master.

“Enough of this! Attack!” Xehanort cries, pointing the tip of a long key at me. I brace myself but the attack never comes. I see my enemy glance around, a look of fear replacing the triumph.

“NO!” he cries “I am most evil. You bow down to me! I am your master!”

“Most evil, you say?” I chuckle. It has finally dawned on me that these Heartless, born from darkness, must gravitate toward true evil. And I know exactly whose heart contains the most evil. “It seems that your gamble was… mistaken. You should have known better than to mess with a Demon King.” I lift a finger and point at the trembling form of my adversary. The Heartless begin padding toward him at a run, rushing to consume the man they once served. Xehanort lets out a shriek of terror before raising his Keyblade and vanishing, like a coward.

I chuckle again, triumphant in the knowledge that I have a new monster to let loose on the world. What is the goddesses chosen hero to a swarm of creatures born from darkness? I call my noble steed and set off toward the canyon and my servant’s wedding, my horde of Heartless trailing behind me, confident that I, Ganondorf, will soon conquer this world.

Thoughts

Blogger Blitz Semifinals: Movie Marauders

September 3, 2018by Teri Mae8 Comments

Well, everyone. I can’t believe it happened, but happen it did. I actually won the Blogger Blitz Round 1! I honestly don’t know how this keeps happening. The other competitors are so good I could swear I won’t make it out alive. And yet, I do… Somehow I do.

But while I may have been excited at my last triumph this next one scares me to death. Not only is the prompt incredibly vague and difficult, but my competition is out of the this world! Athena, over at AmbiGaming, will be pitting her villain Marjolaine, against me and Ganondorf in the weirdest challenge of them all.

It’s Friday and work this week has been pretty hectic – another upstart hero tried to stop your tyrannical rise to power, the royal heir escaped your wicked clutches, and cosmetic microtransactions were just announced for your favorite video game franchise. Luckily, you’ve got a relaxing weekend planned with your buddies, a movie night complete with snacks, decorations, and total surround sound. At least, that was the plan.

Just as movie night is about to get started, your villain realizes discovers that a pack of wererats broke into the cupboard and ruined all the snacks! Now you have to figure out where to quickly obtain more snack food before your friends arrive. Panicking, you look out the window of your beachside castle and see a faint ray of hope: a beach party taking place right outside! All you have to do is steal all their party stuff and bring it to your own party and the night is saved.

Bloggers have a lot of creative freedom with this event. Who’s throwing the beach party? How will the villain approach the party to steal the goods? Will the wererats just let this slide? With so many options available, there’s no telling what will happen in this kooky Blogger Blitz event!

Guys, I didn’t even know where to begin with this one. I really had zero ideas until very, very recently. I’m still not even sure how I feel about my response. But sometimes you just have to push Publish and hope for the best. And with Ganondorf’s amazingly complex, roundabout way of thinking, what could possibly go wrong?

Rules, as always, can be found at the site of our wonderful host, Ian, at Adventure Rules, and the results of today’s challenge can be found there on Friday!

… and yet, I wonder if the problem really was Link, this hero of the winds. Perhaps the elements and waves themselves rose against my ascent. It’s the only thing that makes sense, after all. Link, an upstart nobody from that tiny island, could never have bested the great Ganondorf, without help from a power nearly as great as me. I’ll ensure that my next attack is more carefully planned. Perhaps a foray into a realm where I control the elements, somewhere Dark, will ensure victory.

Ganondorf looked up from his post, stretching, and clicked “Publish”. Without those pesky monkeys to thwart him, publishing his memoirs had become significantly easier. It’s always the same, he thought, if I want something done correctly, it must be done myself. He stood and strode through his personal sanctum and into the drawing room, mindlessly glancing out the windows at the rocky shores of his Forsaken Fortress beachside castle.

“I suppose I have the consolation of uninviting those pesky Moblins who failed me from tonight’s party. How disappointed they’ll be to know that I and my faithful servants will be watching past highlights of my rise to power and fame without them. While all have failed me in the past, some have, at least, died for me. Those few souls, the ones who deserved reincarnation through my mighty power, shall be there. Now, let’s see… food, prepared by my hands, and four hours of film should be enough to throw the best party this forsaken land has ever seen. Muwahahahaha!”

As he continued to pace Ganondorf glanced out the furthest window, and paused. There were lights on the beaches visible through that window. He strode over, fury building inside him.

“The audacity! Throwing a party on my beach mere days after destroying my plans. Who could possibly be so bold?”

Ganonforf squinted, straining his eyes. He let out a frustrated growl. It was impossible to tell at this distance. He let out a wild screech, calling his faithful Helmaroc King to his side.

“Go!” he said. “Bring me news of those invaders on my privacy.”

In a burst of wind and wings the Helmaroc King took flight, streaking into the distance to reconnoiter the pinpricks of dancing firelight. In his rage, Ganondorf paced through the drawing room and into the kitchens, venting his anger with well-placed kicks at the furniture.

As he entered the kitchen a flurry of activity caught his attention and drew his focus. Large, black figures scattered into the shadows. Ganondorf lit the candles with a burst of magic. He gasped in horror. It was gone. All of it was gone. The monster cakes, monster curry, and monster stew – all vanished with the black shapes, only purple crumbs and grains of rice remaining. At the sound of his gasp wererats poked their noses back into the kitchen, creeping from their hiding places in triumph. Letting out a scream of frustration, Ganondorf threw his arms forward, purple arcs of lightening shooting from his hands, scattering the wererats like leaves in a wind.

“I WILL NOT HAVE THIS PARTY RUINED!”

With his outburst of energy he began to calm. As his chest heaved and his breathing slowly became controlled he could feel the formation of a plan beginning. To punish all those who threatened his night of wallowing in past successes was utmost on his mind. As he stood, wheels turning, grasping for a plan to bring vengeance and destruction to his enemies a fell call rang out above him. His faithful bird, the Helmaroc King, was swiftly descending toward the castle. Ganondorf swept out onto the ledge and waited, patience an attribute well-developed through centuries of being sealed in the Sacred Realm.

“Kaw, KAWWW kkkaw, screech, kaaw cacaww”

“I see…” mused Ganondorf. “Those fools truly believed I had gone. Me. The most powerful sorcerer Hyrule has ever known… This affront deserves a special punishment. No, no, death is too good for these miscreants. I’ll have to think of something truly clever for this… Oh, and there are some wererats around the castle, attempting to destroy my evening. Dispose of them. They should make an adequate dinner for a keen, clever beast like you.”

And as Ganondorf trailed off into silent thought an ingenious plan, fully formed, broke through. He smiled and chuckled. Yes. Yes! This will gain me all I deserve – their food and the ruin of their party! Hmhahaha…

***

Out along the beaches the party was raging. Pirates, Koroks, and Rito were all present, reveling in the demise of their hated enemy. Cakes, pies, and tarts stood in a long array at a table near the fire. The Koroks and Rito had even brought along harps and violins and music and laughter echoed across the beach. The Evil King was gone! Their homes and friends were safe! What could possibly be go wrong?

All at once the sound of oars sound brought the music to a screeching halt. A large raft was winding its way across the shores, dragging behind it a massive form. Everyone huddled together, fear rushing across their faces, a few screams erupting. Could he possibly be back? Could he have escaped the doom the Hero of Winds had inflicted? They watched with baited breath as the shape loomed closer, hardly daring to move. When it finally touched ground near their fire a gasp went up from them. A man lumbered out, tall and menacing in the half-light. He moved into the firelight and a collective sigh of relief escaped the group. It was only the Traveling Merchant.

“My friends! Don’t be afraid. It is I, _Munfrnmahan,and I’m merely your humble, traveling merchant. As I was searching the castle of the Evil King for trinkets to sell I heard the festivities from your party. I’ve come to help brighten it. As I was searching I found a machine that’s beyond compare. A puppet used by Ganon in his evil attempt to destroy our very own Hero of Winds. Seeing, with your own eyes, the scars and wounds of its battle with that… great… hero, is truly magnificent. I’d love to share with you the experience of standing within the beast and beholding the awesome power of the Hero of Winds. However, such a long journey has exhausted me beyond compare, and in my career food can be scarce and difficult to come by. If you would be willing to give me, say, one pie, cake or tart, in exchange for each person entering the marionette I could say that my time was well spent in search of such treasures of victory! What say you?”

As he had slinked closer to the firelight a few partygoers noticed some strange differences between the Traveling Merchant they had known and this new merchant. But as he pulled Puppet Ganon into the light all eyes were on it, and even those predisposed to be suspicious gave way to the awe of witnessing the might of their hero. A murmur of agreement rippled through the crowd and, as the Merchant quickly set up the marionette to its full towering height, a rush of grabbing hands flew to the food table and began shoving every last treat in the direction of the Merchant. To have a chance to view the beast Link had destroyed first-hand? That was something no one could pass up. As the merchant slowly placed pie after tart after pie onto his raft he chuckled quietly, mirthlessly, to himself.

After a few moments of shoving nearly every partygoer was inside the puppet, touching the gaping holes left by the Master Sword and scrambling over each other to see through the puppet’s eyes. When the very last Rito feather and pirate cutlass were inside a sudden blaze of purple light blinded the horizon. A deep, cold laugh sounded and a scream of panic erupted from the party.

“You fools! Did you truly think I was gone? The great, powerful Ganondorf? I not only have your food, but I now have you, trapped inside this massive, disappointing servant. In fact, so disappointing, I had no problem doing this!” And with a snap of his fingers the outer layer of the puppet disappeared, leaving behind a towering, puppet-shaped cage, locking every person inside.

“And now, for the greatest revenge of all. You, and your miserable band of revelers, will join me at the most incredible party of all time. A memoir to me and my unspeakable triumphs, 4 hours of food and film showing my rise to victory and Hyrule under my rule. And thanks to you, I know this party will be a success.”

***

Sometime later, after using his considerable magic to move the cage across the beach and into the castle, he sat back and laughed. Ah, yes, he thought. His enemies forced to witness his triumphs from their self-inflicted cage while his sycophants witness his triumph! What could possibly be better than this…

Thoughts

Blogger Blitz Round 1: Blogger Blitzception

August 13, 2018August 13, 2018by Teri Mae13 Comments

Hey everyone! By some unexpected chance, and though I hadn’t planned on participating this year, I am yet again a competitor in the coolest competition around! For those of you who missed it the first time check out Ian, at Adventure Rules, blog. He not only lists the round challenges and the overall rules, but that’s also where we will find the results! Yay! If you want to skip that article (BOO! Shame on you!) then here’s a little explanation of the rules:

Each round of the competition has a 1000 word limit for round 1. There are no limitations on writing style. Remember to pack your 1000 words with content that helps to prove why your character is the best at the event!
Within your own post, you define the circumstances and how difficult it is for your character to overcome the event. So be sure to craft circumstances which portray your character as overcoming odds that only they could possibly surmount. If the challenge is too easy, it takes some of the impact away from your argument. Judges like to see clever solutions!
Get ahead of the game and cover your weak points so that when the judges have to consider the negatives of each approach, you’ve already anticipated it and come up with a solution!

Who is my competition, you ask? Flame Flash who will be sponsoring Sigma, the antagonist from the Mega Man series. And who had loads more time than me to prepare. And who is an incredible writer. Guys… it may be my first and last round in the Blogger Blitz challenge this year…

And what is the challenge? Oh you know, only something so complex I had to read it 4 times before I even understood what they were asking for…

In a competition where bloggers submit blog posts about their favorite characters for a panel of judges to determine which is the best, they’ll be challenged to write a blog post about their favorite character writing a blog post. Then the post within the post will be judged by the judges to determine which blogger wins, which by extension will determine which blogger wins. What? As if that’s not complicated enough, each villain has been sent a nefarious “helper” by their rivals – a three-headed monkey! The monkey does all the typing for them, so how can each villain use their abilities to influence the monkey to write rightly? It’s the blogger blitz within the Blogger Blitz – it’s Blogger Blitzception!

So without further ado, my blog within a blog (and my word count) starts below this line.

Oh the aklnm;slkdf ;jp[aje

NO! Stop it, monkey. I am Ganon, the holder of the Goddess Din’s Triforce of Power, reincarnation of the Demon Demise himself. You WILL obey me. Now…. Write this:

Oh the struggle, the turmoil. Why is ittt ttttthatttt pppsppdpdmmvvlcxle

NO! This post, monkey, will be the inspiration of generations to come! I am the master of all dark powers and, King of the Gerudo, and the rightful King of Hyrule. All who wish to bow down before me must understand me. This wisdom will be sought through the end of time. And through it I will choose lesser minions to serve beneath my hand, for when I am King I will be King forever! Mwahahahaha.

Oh the struggle, the turmoil. Why is it that people continnu to opose mme? I, wwwwhoooo ams;lk the rigj ;lkdtful ruulelsller

*sigh*. I suppose this will take more effort than I originally thought. Who knew a three-headed monkey, that cursed gift from that idiot sympathizer from Faron, would be this troublesome? How could he be manipulated to obey? It’s quite simple. That’s all I ask. Complete and blind obedience to my every need. As the conqueror of Hyrule it should be given to me. Hmmmm….

A banana. Is that what you want, you good, kind, helpful monkey? I’ll give you a banana every time you type a correct sentence. Deal? Then let’s get moving…

Oh the struggle, the turmoil. Why is it that people continue to oppose me? I, who am the rightful ruler of all Hyrule? I, who am the rightful ruler of all Hyrule? I, who am the rightful ruler of all Hyrule? I, Demise himself, who asks nothing but subservience and utter domination? I, Demise himself, who asks nothing but subservience and utter domination? I, Demise himself, who asks nothing but subservience and utter domination?

STOP! That is NOT what I wanted. That is NOT what I meant. You are willfully disobeying me!

*Leaves to play the organ for several minutes*

*deep breaths* Now that my calm has been restored I have an idea, an improvement, if you will. Utilizing the dark magic at which I am so adept I’ll simply bend your minds to my will. Force you to become the mindless minion you are to simply do as I ask. Oh, don’t worry, monkey, you won’t notice a thing.

O the struggle the turmoil y is it that people continue 2 oppose me I who am the rightful ruler of all hyrule I demise himself who asks nothing but subservience and utter domination its… that… night… the… socalled… hero… of… hyrule… its… his… fault… my… slaves… continue… 2… rise…….. up……….

NOOOOO! Mindless! Stupid. Idiot. Monkey!

*In a fit of rage he raises his sword and chops off two of the monkey’s heads. Cauterizes wounds with dark magic. Lifts spell from third head.*

There. No more mistakes, no more fooling around. You, monkey, WILL do my bidding or the same fate awaits your final head. NOW, TYPE!

Oh the struggle, the turmoil. Why is it that people continue to oppose me? I, who am the rightful ruler of all Hyrule? I, Demise himself, who asks nothing but subservience and utter domination?

It’s that knight. The so-called “Hero of Hyrule”. It’s his fault my slaves continue to rise up. It’s HIS fault my plans fail. I am thwarted at every turn because of this… man-child. This Link. I am the great, powerful Ganon! How can a simple, small boy continue to overthrow my best-laid plans? First it was my attempt to rise as myself with the help of my faithful demon Ghirahim. And my reincarnation, this powerful, debonair Ganondorf, with so much promise, continually thrown down. Is it him, this Link? Or is it simply my incompetent belief in those I manipulate? Agahnim, Yuga, Zant, all failures. Perhaps that is my true downfall. Perhaps my manipulations of these minions was never strong enough, my… faith… was misplaced. This newest attempt may need a different strategy. Something to counter the nuisance of the “Goddess’s chosen hero”. Something to finally squash him like the insect he is so that I, Ganondorf, the most powerful being ever, can reign victorious at last!

You, the mindless rabble who WILL obey me, cannot know the strain of such a brat, always snapping at my heels. You think this is easy, laying plans, always subverting Hyrule to my whim. But the thought of that boy eats away at my peace. He fills me with pure Malice, and slowly gnaws away my incredible intellect to the point that I struggle to foresee mistakes. Oh the agony of my minion’s mistakes that have allowed that… boy… to defeat me! It should never have happened. It will not happen again. I, Ganondorf, am more than capable of crushing him without any effort. Perhaps it will take all my cunning, without the use of a mindless puppet, to overcome the Triforce of Courage. And perhaps this blog will be my greatest form of brainstorming. The place where all my best-laid plans will finally be perfected and find fruition in the defeat of that whelp. Perhaps this next time I’ll use a new set of minions… One made entirely of metal…

Thursday Thoughts

Blogger Blitz Retrospective

September 28, 2017September 25, 2017by Teri Mae6 Comments

After something that has been pretty blog-consuming over the last month or two I wanted to jot down some feelings I’ve had throughout the entire competition.

First and foremost – a HUGE thank you to Ian at Adventure Rules for dreaming up the perfect competition. His creativity knows no bounds, his pictures have been spectacular, and his enthusiasm really caught us up in his excitement. The work and effort that went into something as big as this cannot be understated and we all owe him a lot of gratitude for pushing us outside our comfort zones.

Secondly – I’ve thoroughly enjoyed getting to know the other competitors in the Blitz. It’s been so fun to get immersed in a community and really feel the encouragement and support of everyone. The stories and writing have truly inspired me and I’ve learned so much from what they’ve done. It’s been a blast to trash talk or encourage by turns and exciting to see how creative everyone is. I’ll really miss the constant interaction that this experience has brought.

Third – A competition would be nothing without our judges and it feels like these one’s have really upped the bar on blogging competitions! Their insight, interest, and extensive knowledge have really broken down these entries in a way I’m surprised at. They took their duties very seriously and it’s been impressive to read their logic on announcement days AKA Fridays. What a task and we were lucky enough to find people worthy of it!

Fourth – I’ve always known how much Link means to me and what he’s helped me get through in my life, but it’s nice to be able to revisit him in so much detail and really express my love for the Legend of Zelda series. And it’s strengthened my resolve and determination to 100% BotW, which is no small feat!

And lastly – I want to talk a bit about my journey through this process. Each time I’ve won I’ve been surprised. Once I read the competitor’s entry I am confident I don’t stand a chance of winning. Luna’s entry on the Joker was clever and so well-written. She really knows that character and her details really blew me away. And then came Luke’s moving story about Claire and her heart-wrenching decision. Each Friday, when I read the results, I felt like there had been some kind of mistake. There was no way I actually beat those guys. And frankly, despite making it to the finals, I still feel a little like my place here is a fluke. I may have gotten one or two elements better, but their entries were so inspired I just don’t feel worthy of winning. It’s been a learning process for me to accept the idea that I may have done something right. I’ve had to learn to accept my advancement and have tried to come to terms with my place in the final. I’ve never had a lot of self-confidence and I’m more used to making excuses for why my thing “got lucky” than accepting the fact that it might actually be good. So along this journey I’ve been trying to accept the idea that what I created may have actually had merit. It may have actually been a worthy entry. And that’s where I’ve grown. I’ve grown as a writer, of course, but I’ve grown emotionally and mentally, as well.

So Ian, judges, and fellow challengers, thank you. Thank you for teaching me and encouraging me. Thank you for the confidence boost this has been and for the community you’ve given me when I’ve definitely needed it. No matter who wins the competition tomorrow it doesn’t matter – because I’m definitely the real winner because of all of you.

Thursday Thoughts

Blogger Blitz Finale: Saving the Castle

September 25, 2017by Teri Mae14 Comments

This is it: the last challenge. And boy, is it a rough one. I’m not sure how it’ll turn out but I had to use every bit of Zelda lore I knew to try and accomplish the task set by Ian at Adventure Rules. The challenge is as follows:

“You have been invited by the steward of the Mushroom Kingdom to assist them with a royal problem. The infant princess, Baby Peach, has begun to develop strange abilities based on her emotions. She literally cries rivers, when she’s angry she bursts into flame, her happiness causes her to float in the air and produce bursts of wind – the only emotional state in which the castle and its staff are safe from her is when she is calm. A doctor is preparing a cure but a courier has to make an overnight trip to pick it up. So the steward needs someone to protect Peach’s Castle from her emotion powers until the cure is delivered.
‘Why not just take her out of the castle?’ you might ask. As fate would have it, there’s an issue with the castle’s power source, the Power Stars. They’ve malfunctioned and now the only thing keeping them running is Peach’s presence in the castle. If she leaves, the Stars will fail and be scattered across the kingdom.
‘We tried having the castle wizard place a spell on her to make her sleep through the night,’ the steward explains, ‘but she is immune to any magic that influences her emotional state.’ There’s another problem too – taking advantage of the castle’s current vulnerability, the evil wizard Kamek has summoned six warriors from other worlds to attack the Mushroom Kingdom. You might recognize them as the defeated competitors from the Blogger Blitz challenge. These warriors, under Kamek’s control, will stop at nothing to kidnap Peach and leave the castle in ruins.”

This event has three distinct parts: the competitors must protect Peach from the previous six Blogger Blitz competitors, protect the castle from those same attackers, and finally protect the castle from Peach and her dangerous emotion powers (based, by the way, on the video game Super Princess Peach). The competitors have been told that they are not able to circumvent any parts of the challenge – no taking Peach out of the castle and no controlling Peach’s emotions through magic. These have been justified fictionally in the above description of the event. Finally, because this event has three distinct parts the competitors will have up to 1200 words in order to make their argument. Also, this makes it so that the total word counts of each phase of the competition go 4000, 3200, 2400. Why does that matter? Because…symmetry, or something.

Wow. What an imagination to come up with something as complex and awesome as that! A big, hearty “good luck” to my challenger, Lightning Ellen! You can read her submission on her blog. As always, check back Friday at Adventure Rules to find the results of the finale! And now, on with the show!

… P.S. I promise to have a new recipe tomorrow!

The last month has been increasingly difficult. These external calls for a hero’s help have left me drained. But still I answer, Courage never failing, because I am a Hero. And I’m finally going to tell my own story. Written down, of course, since no amount of gesticulating seems to be heard. Everyone understands me, of course. They just can’t hear me. Writing is the easier route.

When the request came I knew I would need help. I grabbed my tools, called on some loyal companions, and found my way to the Mushroom Kingdom. I had already been briefed on the situation: baby peach’s magical powers were wreaking havoc on the castle and herself. There was possible danger from the outside, as well. I was nervous, but took comfort from the Ocarina I carried and the Song of Time, which would turn back the clock 3 days in case of failure. I hoped I wouldn’t need it.

When I got to the castle it seemed like the mission had already started. The princess was in a terrible rage and the castle was catching fire. I whipped out my Ocarina and played the Song of Storms. The gentle rain extinguished the fire and had the added bonus of calming the princess. She seemed fascinated by the music. After that she warmed up to me. I began my preparations while Peach’s attendants prepared her for the evening. I established a perimeter of warp points on each of the four sides of the castle, knowing that I could be needed at anywhere in a moment. I asked my guides to stay at those points since they could quickly find me and alert me if something was wrong. I set up my friend, Ooccoo, on the East along with Tatl, the fairy. By keeping Ooccoo Jr. with me I could quickly return to his mother. Using the Travel Medallion and my Sheikah Slate I created a point on the West and asked Navi to stand guard there. Farore’s Wind created a point on the North side of the castle with Ciela. And in the South I set up Midna and her warp capability. With each of the areas guarded I needed to find a way to protect Peach, not only from external threats, but from herself.

When I found her, the princess was laughing at a book and floating 6 feet off the ground. A sudden gust of wind threatened to blow her out the window. In a panic I used my Hookshot to latch to the ceiling above her, dropped down, and snatched her out of the air. She calmed down once we hit the floor and seemed comfortable with me. I requested that she wear my Minish Cap, which would shrink her to a very small size. She’d still express her powers, but they would be minimized and more manageable. She agreed and I decided to take it further, making the entire situation a game, and asking her to play in one of the Bottles I carried. After more laughter and another trip on my Hookshot, she agreed. I placed her inside a Bottle with a Fairy, to keep her company. This would protect her, but I would still be be able to see her and interfere if necessary.

As soon as I capped the lid Navi came racing toward me. I knew there was trouble and warped to her side of the castle. A man with a bull whip stood, ready to attack. I used my Ice Rod and froze him, allowing me time to think. Fi quickly told me to be careful of his whip. That seemed simple enough and, as he unfroze, I dealt him a blow with my Boomerang and stunned him. I tied him up, took him to the dungeon, knowing his lack of magic would prevent him from escaping, and locked the door just as Tatl flew in.

I warped to her location to find an electric monster guarding the hallway – it was yellow, with black stripes and tall, pointed ears. With my Thunder Helm I didn’t fear any electrical discharge. I exhausted the beast with the Master Sword and used the Hookshot to stun the Trainer standing behind the monster. Fi let me know that this boy lacked magical powers, as well, so down to the dungeon he went.

As I came up the stairs I felt a sickening blow to my head. A Fairy came to my aid and the stars quickly blinked out of my eyes. I realized the man who had attacked was a pirate, laughing and making a sharp joke about the situation. I froze this intruder with an Ice Arrow and, after receiving Fi’s confirmation that he, too, would lack the skills required to escape from a magical dungeon, placed him in there with his 3 fellow-attackers.

Midna appeared before me, quickly warping us to her side of the castle. We re-appeared just as an explosion went off. Luckily I had Daruk’s Blessing, which created a temporary shield and protected both myself and Peach from the damage. As the ringing in my ears died I heard frightening laughter. The Joker, a man I had encountered before, was standing down the hallway, finger on another trigger. I quickly froze him and, knowing he was under no spell forcing him to attack, drew my Master Sword and brought it crashing down into him.

The castle became quiet after that… Too quiet. I checked on Peach but she seemed to be happily floating in air, playing with the Fairy and laughing as a gentle breeze pushed her around the Bottle. I sighed in relief and decided to prowl the hallways. I donned the Stone Mask, which turned me invisible, and began patrolling. A soft noise startled me and I glanced around. There, in the shadows, was a character I knew well – Claire Redfield. I knew she possessed a terrible power that would transform her if left alive. I needed to get her out of the castle. I crept up, using a Sneaky Elixer, and froze her using my Cryonis Sheikah Rune. I created a Dark World warp using my Magic Mirror and sent her into another realm. As I did so, I unfroze her, knowing she would be able to protect herself while there. When this was all over I would fetch her and return her to her home.

Ciela came shooting toward me and we warped to her section of the castle. I saw the invader and attempted to freeze him with the Ice Rod, but there didn’t seem to be much effect. Every attack I shot at him just made him stronger, and he soon started shooting my attacks back! I knew if I couldn’t defeat him I would have to incapacitate him. Ciela Stopped Time, just long enough for me to bring Peach out of the bottle and remove the Minish Cap. I quickly placed the cap on Mega Man’s head, shrinking him down, and dropped him in an empty Bottle. When time restarted, he was trapped and without the power to escape. As I held the princess’s hand the sun rose, the long night was over, and Peach’s antidote had arrived.

Thursday Thoughts

Blogger Blitz Semifinals: Raccoon City

September 11, 2017September 11, 2017by Teri Mae14 Comments

If any of you follow along with the non-recipe posts you’ll know that I won Round One of the incredible Blogger Blitz Challenge, hosted by Ian at Adventure Rules. I honestly didn’t expect to win, especially since Luna of Gamer’s United put up such a good fight. But by some serious luck I got to move on to the semifinals! If you want to know more about the basics behind the Blogger Blitz a link to the rules can be found here. However, for this second challenge a new scenario and a new rule were introduced. The new rule: I get 800 words (instead of 500) to describe why Link would be able to survive a dastardly plan by LeChuck of The Secret of Monkey Island and take down Albert Wesker in Resident Evil territory. Since I’ve never played Resident Evil I relied heavily on recaps and synopsis to understand what Link was up against, so bear with me if it may be a tad inaccurate! The official prompt is as follows:

“In this event, the two competitors must switch roles for a day – Link must lead the charge against biologically-enhanced zombie warriors (can you tell I’ve totally played Resident Evil before?!) and their leader Wesker, while Claire has to save Hyrule from the mighty sorcerer Ganondorf and his evil hordes. However, before they can do their new jobs, LeChuck interferes, dragging them to the waters of Mêlée Island (which, as we all know, conveniently borders both Hyrule and the United States). Attaching each competitor to a heavy ship anchor, he sends them plummeting into the deep before heading off to capture Elaine Marley. Our competitors must explain how they escape LeChuck’s deadly trap without drowning, make their way back, and defeat a villain they have never faced with abilities foreign to their own world.”

If you are dying to see what my competitor, Luke, at Hundstrasse has written (like I am) then check out his blog here. And now, let’s see what Link’s got up his sleeve for this challenge! And don’t forget, the results will go live Friday at 9am EST on Adventure Rules.

Judges and curious onlookers – the word count starts now:

Another day, another kingdom to save. It seems the work is never done for the Hero of Hyrule. But this time, it’s not his kingdom that needs saving. A request came for help from the distant land of Raccoon City, and Link, a born hero through all ages, answers the call. As he leaves the safety of Hyrule he is ambushed by the dread pirate, LeChuck, who captures Link using a sleeping draft. LeChuck ties Link to an anchor and drops him into the depths of the ocean…

Link! Link, wake up! Hurry!

Link awakens, gasps, and struggles wildly. Luckily, he always wears his Zora Tunic, which allows him to breathe underwater, when he sails. With no fear of drowning, Link struggles with his bonds, eventually freeing one arm. He draws the Master Sword and slices through the rope, freeing himself from the anchor. Using his Silver Scale, Link swims to the surface to find the King of Red Lions, his companion across all oceans. He hops into this boat and ties up his Swift Sail, knowing that time is running out.

As Link reaches the shore he realizes he is still far from Raccoon City. He could call his loyal steed, Epona, but knows that time is pressing. Instead he calls his Crimson Loftwing and soars through the skies to reach this new realm. He sets down just outside the town, cautious and wary. He isn’t sure what monsters Raccoon City may be facing but his Stealth Crouch and Sheikah Stealth Armor help him avoid detection. The closer he gets to the city, the fewer resources he notices. Luckily, scavenging for food, materials, and weapons and careful use of those goods is a skill he has recently acquired. Maintaining a supply of health-restoring food and weapons shouldn’t be a problem with his Sheikah Slate Sensor capabilities. And Link isn’t afraid to break literally every pot and cut every blade of grass to find what he needs.

As he enters the city he encounters his first monster – a hideous, humanoid thing that looks undead. Or maybe ReDead? Link sighs with relief when he realizes he’s encountered monsters similar to this before. He manages to sneak past the first few zombies before coming to a large mansion. He checks his map and notices a glowing sphere underneath the mansion. It must be the location of Wesker, the man behind these evils deeds. He cautiously slips through the front doors and stumbles upon a monster just inside the door. He whips out his Ocarina, quickly plays the Sun Song and a beam of light appears, blinding the zombie, allowing Link the time to kill him with the Master Sword before moving on.

As Link steps into the next room he notices hidden switches and some kind of puzzle to be worked out. He smiles. As Hero of Hyrule, he has worked his way through hundreds of puzzles. It seems like the people of Hyrule insist their temples be so complex no one could actually use them. He quickly works out the first puzzle and moves on. As he works his way through the following rooms and puzzles he notices that the mansions is becoming quieter. As he leaves the last room and zombie runs down the corridor toward him. Working quickly, Link uses his Ice Rod to freeze his opponent. He then uses a well-placed bomb to kill the monster. The sound, however, draws more zombies to him. His Triforce of Courage never fails him and he swiftly fires a Bomb Arrow, blasting them all as he makes his escape to the stairs at the end of the hall.

Link rushes down toward the glowing dot from his map to find a giant mutant and Wesker. Wesker congratulates Link on making it this far and explains his terrible plan for world domination. Link rolls his eyes – he’s heard this before and this guy had nothing on Ganondorf. As Wesker finishes his tirade he unleashes the monster, a Tyrant. Link quickly downs a Tough Meat and Rice Bowl, boosting his ability to handle damage and his health, and uses a combination of the Mirror Shield to blind the monster and Master Sword Beams to defeat it. In the monster’s last, terrible rage he attacks Wesker, who appears dead beside the remains of the beast. But Link knows that after Ganondorf comes Ganon and waits for the second monster to appear. Wesker revives, having injected himself with a powerful virus, and attacks. Link brings out the Light Arrows, knowing of their power to stop evil (and blind his foes), and uses them and powerful attacks with his Master Sword to defeat Wesker. As Link leaves the building the sun bursts above the horizon and he smiles, knowing he restored peace to Raccoon City.

Thursday Thoughts

Blogger Blitz Round 4: Matchmaker

August 21, 2017August 21, 2017by Teri Mae12 Comments

You know, after an accidental hiatus it’s interesting that the post I come back with isn’t a recipe. It’s not even a Thursday Thought. It’s a competition. So to kick off being back from vacation and back on track I’m going to spend the next 500 words (after this intro, judges! Don’t start counting now!) convincing you that Link, our very own Hero of Life, the Universe, and Everything can play matchmaker with only his impressive collection of skills. This competition, hosted by Ian at Adventure Rules, is called the Blogger Blitz. If you want to know more about it a link to the rules can be found here. I’m participating in Round 4, so if you’d like to read the previous rounds click on 1, 2, and 3 for the respective hub articles. This community event has been really fun to be a part of so far, and, with luck, I’ll get to keep playing in the next round! For any of you who, for some silly reason, don’t want to read the full rules and regulations, my prompt is as follows:

“Match Maker! It’s a mission to find love for a malboro, the most horrifying creature in Final Fantasy history. Malboro are known for their putrid breath, breath so terrible that when exhaled on a party of adventurers, it can cause a range of status ailments from poison to confusion to becoming Doomed to die! Finding someone – or something – for a creature like that is pretty intimidating, but it’s up to you to convince the judges why your character can do it.”

malboro

If you want to read my competitor’s argument head over to Gamer’s United. Luna is writing about the Joker so this could be a very interesting match-up! Oh, and one more thing, the results will be posted on Adventure Rules this Friday to see who won! So cross your fingers, wish me luck, and let’s get this party started! Judges, word counts starts at the top the of the next paragraph.

“Hey! Listen! Link, it’s almost time for the challenge. Wake Up!”

*Mumbling and yawning*

“I can’t believe I picked such a lazy boy to help me with this… Link, it’s challenge day! Can you explain the argument we came up with that you are an incredible matchmaker and that you can help anyone find love?”

“. . . . .”

“Um…. A little louder for the back?”

“. . . . .”

*Sigh* “Fine. Why don’t I just tell them.”

Link, The legend of Zelda

Link, the Hero of Time and defender of Hyrule, has always been up to a challenge. When he heard about this one it was no different. He knew that finding love for a creature as horrific as a malboro would be tough, but he’s never backed down from a fight and he never will.

First, Link must use his triforce of courage. Only the most brave and fearless could stand to be near a malboro long enough to learn what he was really like. Link’s ability to stay calm in the face of overwhelming danger would allow him to hang out, learn, and find the positive aspects of such a creature. Link’s incessant questions to everyone, including asking the same questions over and over again, would allow him to discover who malboro truly was. This knowledge would be invaluable to finding a true love for this monster. He would also utilize his companion, be it fairy, sword spirit, or twilight princess, to learn everything he could about malboros. He would learn the creature’s weaknesses in order to help the potential mate know when it was safe to approach their true love.

After learning about his foe… I mean, friend… he would start to search for the right person to love such a monster. Link loves to travel, usually covering vast countries and lands to discover everything he can about other people, cultures, and races. This knowledge will help him choose the person most likely to love a malboro. After using his persistence and questioning skills he will have found the person just right for the malboro – looking for love and slightly desperate.

moe the moblin Once the potential soul mate has been found he’d start a letter campaign, knowing that the best way to get these two to fall in love would be long-distance. So he’d deliver these letters back and forth between the lover’s, like he’s always done. He reminded me that every incarnation of himself has played matchmaker regardless of race, age, and distance. He even reminded me that his incarnation during the flood (Wind Waker) was able to match a Hylian with a Moblin monster.

He’s always helping people find love and it usually bring him great joy and some kind of reward. The promise of this reward means that he would not give up until the quest was completed. These letters would spark true romance and, after enough of them, the malboro and his true love would finally meet. Armed with the knowledge Link was able to pass on these two could live happily, and maybe distantly, ever after.